Comment Wall

 Comment Wall for Writing the World

Your feedback is appreciated!



Using a Typewriter (Max Pixel)


Comments

  1. Hi Caleb,

    First off, I love the picture you used for your homepage with the typewriter! It's so classic and really sets the mood of writing well.

    After reading your introduction, I was left wanting more! When will you be publishing stories because it needs to be soon! I love how you wrote from the point of view of a third party narrator and I crack up at his attitude! I can tell you really enjoy your topic, and so do I! I think the origin stories of Earth is a fantastic idea for a storybook!

    My only suggestion is maybe adding a little more flare to your storybook. Like I said, the homepage picture is really cool but maybe think about adding more space-related things? I also think adding a picture of Earth on your introduction was perfect, but it almost felt anticlimactic to me. Maybe that's just me. Besides that I thought it was amazing!

    -Libby

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  2. Caleb,

    Fantastic overarching aesthetic to the whole websites and stories themselves. Nothing is out of place; it seems like everything should be where it needs to be in terms of visual categorization. In fact, even the thematic image of comment wall reveals the same coordination of colors. Overall, the portfolio website itself is very uncluttered and simple, which is something that is important for navigation around! However, with a little more additions of pictures and texts, i think this can be very cool as well.

    In terms of the idea of the storybook itself, I like the way that you are introducing the stories! I think the overall concept can be a great idea, especially with the gods being quite the narcissists that they are. I look forward to read more from this storybook and from you!

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  3. Hi Caleb, I really like your layout for you page. It is easy to find everything and includes the link to your comment wall which is perfect and easy. The visuals you include are awesome, my only suggestion would be to change the white to an alternate color so it does not seem as empty. As far as your introduction goes, I really like it and look forward to reading more. It for sure catches my attention!

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  4. Hi Caleb,

    I really liked how your introduction was set up. The way you related the gods to each and every one of us was really cool and was intriguing as a reader. I also enjoyed the fact that you were using pronouns like 'you' and 'I', and it felt like I was an elementary school kid sitting on the floor waiting for my teacher to tell a story. Your website was easy to navigate, so there are no problems there. I cant find anything as of this week to critique, and I'll be looking forward to reading your other work! Good job!

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  5. Hi Caleb,
    I enjoy reading the introduction of your storybook. I like how you start it. You said that gods love to exchange stories, so they want to make sure that their creation would have the same trait. I would say this is a thought full of creativity. I have never heard any story has a similar idea before. I think creativity is one of the most important values of all storytellers. For me, I would keep tracking your following stories.
    Another advantage of your story would be readability. In my opinion, the style, font, and background of your web page are beautiful and simple.
    However, I think your introduction would be better if you could provide more details on that. Maybe talk about your plan for the following stories or some specific ideas in your mind. I think this kind of preview would help readers to understand your main point of the storybook easily.

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  6. Hey Caleb! I gotta be honest, your introduction had me HOOKED! Even after just reading the first paragraph of the intro, I found myself being so interested in what turn this was gonna take. It kind of reminded me of the Percy Jackson intro, which also made me immediately become intrigued. I love stories about there being multiple gods all working together and how each of their roles is so vital, so your take on gods being part of everything in our lives is super cool. And then the way you expanded it to relate to how our earth came to be was even cooler. I also think that your expansion on artist's impact was a very fresh perspective. I'm not sure exactly how you will tie that into your portfolio stories, but I am excited nonetheless. Great job on the intro, and can't wait to read the stories you add to it!

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  7. Hi Caleb, I love the typewriter theme throughout, about everything being typed into existence. Your introduction was very creative and fun to read, and i could visualize what you were writing. I am excited to read more especially the part about where the unicorns have gone. I also want to see how you write about the beginning of the earth if your introduction was this much fun. I agree with some others though what if maybe in your introduction you could write a little bit more information on what your storybook will cover? If you already have stories that inspired your storybook maybe you could mention those a little or just an outline. If you choose not to though I understand because it is hard to write about the stories without giving too much information away. Right now it is set up so there is a lot of mystery though and makes me want to come back for more.

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  8. Hey Caleb! Writing the World is a brilliant title for your website! To start off, I love that you used an old typewriter as your banner image. I thought it was kind of funny because if the god could create anything, you would think that he would make himself a more modern typewriter. However, I love the classic look and the introduction was very intriguing. Your writing flows so smoothly, are you a writer yourself? As for your story... wow you did an incredible job! The dialogue between Charles and his assistant is perfect and it sets up an environment where I can just feel the creativity and ideas flowing between them. You do a great job conveying the 'magic' of charles typing and then bam- a creation is made. This bible and genesis twist was incredibly fun to read and honestly one of my favorite stories I have seen so far. Great job!

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  9. Hi Caleb!

    I loved the title for your website and how you kept the typewriter theme throughout everything! I think this was a perfect idea to use the typewriter because that's where the first sight of modern writing took place! I think your story concept is very interesting and how instead of God creating the world, you had a human man named Charles! Was Charles born a God or did he just magically possess powers? I think it's cute and fun how Charles and his assistant created the Earth on a typewriter! They decided how the Earth would look which is crazy! I would suggest adding more detail of how this typewriter is able to create everything on Earth! Is it magic? There is just a little confusion there! You really took the twist on Genesis in the Bible! It was very unexpected and fun! Great job and I look forward to what else you have planned to write!

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  10. Hey Caleb! I just have to start off by saying that your storybook is so warm and inviting. There is just something so calm and soothing about a typewriter that pulled me in and had me hooked on wanting to learn more about what your storybook had to offer. I got to reading your introduction and I was so intrigued by this idea. The way in which you told the creation story of Earth is unlike any others I have read. Yours is so unique and had some great humor with it as well, it blended quite nicely. I have to know, did you type that characters name each time or did you copy and paste it? Please tell me you copied and pasted haha! The only thing that I can find to critique would be that I think you should add some more images. I noticed you have the same typewriter as each banner, maybe you could add a different one somewhere. Anyways, I love what you have going on here. Keep it up!

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  11. Hi, Caleb! Wow wow wow your story is super creative! And there's this fun quirkiness too that makes it a joy to read. I love the idea that the gods are writers, because if you think about it we ourselves are able to create worlds and characters with our own stories. And now that I think about it -- your story is pretty meta. The gods are writing worlds but you're the one writing them. Does this make you ... a god in your narrative? My only thing for improvement is with such a creative, quirky story it would be nice to see the images in them reflect that. So maybe something more vivid in your next one? Great job!

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  12. Caleb- Im so excited i got to read your storybook. I really enjoy the vibe you have created on your page. It's all very sleek but still inviting and this is consistent through all the different pages. The way you describe the earth creation through a type writer has small comical element to me. I found myself laughing at several spots when Charles and Maximillianatticusebastian would interact with one another. I like the way you kept the story sort of basic (not in a bad way)! You didn't get too caught up in all the specific details of absolutely everything that was to be created. You would be writing forever if you did that. But I like how you chose to focus on a few big things, you gave them character and emphasis. Your author's note was helpful in explaining the set up of your storybook and how you want it to be interpreted. Nice job on this project, I can't wait to read more!

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  13. Hi Caleb!
    I really love the concept of your story. I think its really awesome and I am excited to read it. I also really love the picture on your homepage. I think it is very fitting to your theme for your story so that is great. I think the introduction is really good! I like how its easy to relate with because people really do love stories and hearing about different things. I also think its funny how you talk about the Gods. I think its super cool how you are talking about writing the world and it came to be. I really like how you wrote the story about the earth I think it is very funny and creative. I liked how it took the process of going step by step for each thing the God did. I also like how he talks about his creations. I think this is very creative, good job!

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  14. Hi Caleb! I'm back to read another one of your stories before this semester is over. I was really curious what direction you were going to go with your Birth of Beast story. I really enjoyed that you spent the whole story explaining the creation of one creature, dog. After reading your author's note I realized this wasn't your original plan but i'm happy it turned out the way it did. You were able to create such a visual story and I love all of the descriptions. I can tell you had a lot of fun creating the small details about the office supplies. I really like the relationship you have created between Charles and Max, I can imagine it in my head so clearly as I read! I also must compliment the way you format your stories. They are very easy to read and the flow is never interrupted. Your storybook is very cool, good job!

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  15. Hi Caleb :)
    First off, I loved your storybook, so this is gonna be long.
    Second off...WOW! Out of all the storybooks and portfolios, I can honestly say this is definitely one of my very top favorites. I love your premise and its execution. You achieved the chapter effect really well, and I could honestly read so many more chapters of it! I definitely understand your struggle with being succinct. Honestly though, I hope you saved all you cut because even with your presented version, you have more than enough material to lengthen this all into a short story at least and a novel at most. You have a very Douglas Adams style of narration, and I loved it SO much!
    Your narrator had me immediately hooked. It's still so uncommon for the narrator to actually have a voice and personality, that it really jumped out at me in the best way. Like I said, it was very reminiscent of the way Douglas Adams narrated but kept your own spin and pizazz which was awesome.
    Birth of Earth was HILARIOUS. Okay, honestly, they were all hilarious, but Birth of Earth was where I wrote that detail down. Your humor is fantastic, and I immediately loved Charles and Maximillianatticusebastian (or Max). I loved how the other creator's name was basically just [REDACTED]. The Grand Canyon mention was just delightful. The only thing I saw in this portion that needed critiquing was when you have dialogue followed by narration, exposition, or a character doing something, there needs to be a paragraph break. For example: 'Some of it rose from the pressure.' So it happened..." would have that break between Charles's dialogue and So it happened....
    Birth of Beasts was my favorite for the deepening of Charles's and Max's relationship. I love their dynamic to bits. I love how although Charles is officially in charge, Max is the one who keeps him in check and on track. And you make it seem so effortless! It's straight up fantastic. I also loved the Mother Earth reference, very nice! Max's reaction to the platypus had me literally laughing out loud. I liked how you took the essence of the Jewish story about cats and dogs and turned it completely your own; that was fun to read. In this section, there are only two things I can critique, and they're technical. The first is toward the middle. Charles asks Max if they're sure they want to go with the name Earth. You have a quotation mark and paragraph break that don't need to be there. The second one is at the very end. You have "His fingers placed..." It would read smoother if you changed it to "He placed his fingers..."
    Max is definitely a Mood in Birth of Man. The cows absolutely got me laughing! I had to pause several times because it just struck my funny bone so much. I would love for this to be so much longer, but I know you've got that 1k word limit. What I loved most about Birth of Man was your ending message. I loved how you tied it in with your Introduction talking about how we're all made to tell stories and figure it out. It was a wonderful ending to a wonderful storybook. It was honestly much better than a lot of published works I've paid money to read, and I got to read your wonderful work FOR FREE!
    I really hope you keep writing. You write very well, and I love your style. Keep up the great work!

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  16. Hi Caleb!
    First off, I really love your storybook! It's so unique and I like that none of the other storybooks are like this! I was immediately drawn in by the idea of earth being created from a cubicle and a typewriter. It was super creative and honestly kind of entertaining. All writers are creative right? So writing the earth into existence was just great! I love reading and writing so it made me laugh! I just pictured Dwight and Michael from the office looking down from the little cubicle in the sky, creating the earth, not accurate at all but still giggle-worthy. I really like the character of Charles and his relationship with Max. I feel like they could have their own sitcom show as friends or brothers. Which, by the way, I'm curious, where did you find Max's full name? or what inspired it? it's so long! Great job Caleb!

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